The first relationship any girl comes across in her life is that with her father. Every girl’s first encounter with a man is when she opens her sleepy eyes and says ‘daddy’ for the first time. Her father becomes then a picture of a man that one day she will meet and marry and have a family of her own. It is crucial that this relationship blossoms even at the very early stages. A girl will never forget how her father has treated her. Her father becomes someone she looks up to and one day she will come to him for an advice on her own relationship with her boyfriend. A relationship should be so strong that the girl feels comfortable enough to open up to her father about an intimate matter as having a boyfriend. No matter how protective of his little girl the father is, he has to understand that one day his baby will fly away, and it would be much better if she confided in him and trusted him her darkest secrets. Psychologists have conducted endless studies on the importance of father-daughter relationship and the effect it has on the girls’ life later on. So how is it even possible that will all the research and awareness of the matter available there are still families that fail to establish this relationship which is further reflected on the daughters’ happiness?
When growing up a girl needs someone in her life to tell her that she is beautiful, smart and should be treated with respect, every girl should be valued for what she is. No matter of her looks or intelligent abilities, the girl looks for reassurance in hope to find some in her father’s eyes. This very first relationship pretty much determines how further encounters will develop for that girl. A lot of us out there, know a little of fatherly love, so when we meet a man we often stand speechless since we don’t know how to respond to these unknown feelings and attention. I guess in a way, it makes us stronger and more prepared for the day when the man we love betrays us or offends us, at least we are used to the pain. At the same time, it makes us weaker, it breaks our hearts, the fact that our fathers looks through us and notice only the things they want to see.
It is understandable that for a father a son means a lot more than a daughter, yet she is part of you, she deserves to know of fatherly love just as much. It is a strange feeling when a man of your dreams walks into your life and instead of picturing a happy life together you are asking yourself all these questions that are off putting. For instance, will he end up like my own father?
A girl learns a lot from observing and the first relationship she is introduced is one of her parents. Theoretically, this relationship should set an example for what it is like to have a family and care for each other. Consequently, when a girl wakes up every morning to screaming and arguing between her parents, she forms a certain picture in her head. The thing is that when she is young, she chooses ignorance, ignorance is bliss after all. She chooses to look past all the arguments and screaming, partially because she is not even sure of what is happening. In her teenage years, she is just discovering herself and the opposite sex and is going through the rite of passage; it is almost like she has no time for anything else but herself. However, when she gets to a point, where life is no longer a blur but a pieced together picture, she starts to understand life a little better. At some points she becomes realistic and she starts questioning the concept of marriage: what if the same happens when I get married? Will my husband scream and shout and blame me for everything?
Simply because it is the only way we have seen things develop, we start imagining and picture our own future. Will it reflect the ‘happy marriage’ of our parents? These thoughts can get to us, to our hearts, so much so that our hearts close to everyone and everything around us. We walk past the nice men because we don’t trust them and we are attracted to the ‘macho men’ and then end up crying anyway when hurting after a betrayal break up. Ironic isn’t it?
This thought process mainly talks about the girls but I am pretty sure that boys are influenced by the family relationship just as much, after all it is their first encounter with relationships as well.
I guess the day that I decide to start a family, I want to be with a man who will respect me and treat me well, but most importantly I would like to be with a man that will appreciate our daughter, love her no matter how she looks or no matter how high her IQ is. I would like to be with a man who will teach her to love herself and know that his daughter is a princess, someone who will put our daughter off to a right start in life. It is strange, before when I thought of my perfect man, I thought of a handsome blond with blue eyes who would show me a world from a different perspective, and trust me I still do want to meet that man. Today, however, I realised that the man I would like to end up with, will also know the value of a family and will treat all family members well. It is funny, isn’t it, how with age our priorities change…